what it's all about

Although the cold is nice (not that cold - 60 degrees today), i don't think i can handle the cold weather here in Colorado. My nose is bleeding from being so dried out. And my skin looks like rice paper!

. . . and then . . .

And then I look at Julee and James and Jocelyn and Jaci and (sometimes) Jarred - - the dry air stuff ain't that important. And although it's driving Robert nuts to be so confined, I love the lumpy feel of their skin -

well, not Jaci's.

Hey, and I don't miss work AT ALL!

Simmering

We live in a wrinkled world. Messy. Needing work, but put in a basket for a more convenient time.

There's so much to hide, isn't there? So many things that scream to be said, but are left dormant.

Because what if we really did speak what we know needs to be said? How would that affect relationships? Would we still be loved? Or would we get to the point where we didn't even care anymore?

Isn't the relationship destroyed by their actions or my inaction?

A wrinkled world that screams for a hot steam iron.

FREEDOM!!!

WHAT A HORRIBLE LAST DAY!!

God reminded me of why I quit today.

I get to go to Linda and Darla's Book Club Thing a ma roo and get into it! I get to scrapbook! I get to brush my horse! I get to clean the house! I get to get out and move! (losing weight helps with the pain from the sciatica.) I get to go see J to the 5th! I get to ignore the calls from Robert Fuselier! I get to take my time on 'poop patrol'!

Oh, life of boundless joy!

Post Office vs UPS

Do I write about the fireplace cozy fire? The countdown to Denver? The cold? The pictures Brandee sent? The countdown to Kai and Ava? The waiting for the MRI? The countdown to the 22nd?

Man, life is going warp 9! Think I'll share a little irritation from this morning.

I went to the post office today to send off Rob's Christmas present.
The chick behind the counter said, "Oh, you need to fill out a form."
And I said: "Oh, OK." and moved to one side.
She said:, "No. You need to go to the back counter."
and I said: "I don't take up that much room, huh? I'll just do this real quick."
and she said; "No. I have to wait on customers."
And I said: "I'll stay out of the way."
and she said: "No. What if they need to use the pen?"

And I said: Oh. I'll just use UPS."
and she said: 'You'll have to pay more."
and I said: "Sometimes, that just doesn't matter."

And they were so nice. I'll go there all the time.

Horton

There's a huge elephant in the room here at work.

It's sorta pathetically funny. No one will face the fact that I am not at PAC as of the 22nd.

So, here's ole tactful Jackie today. Robert, Karen and Ken are in my office going over stuff.

Karen: "Jackie, can you find this on the computer? I have no idea about how to go about it."

Jackie: "Well, someone needs to learn so you can fill my position."

(Insert the sound of crickets chirping here.)

Maybe they think I'm bluffing?

AvaLynn

Ava will be one tomorrow! ONE!!!

AvaLynn Faye Hutton - ain't that a great name?

I read Jaci's post and realized that all my grand kids are technically toddlers. And it's cool for Kaia, James and Jules

. . . but Ava and Jocey? And I've missed it all because of time and distance.

Waitaminute. That's an old person's remark.

I can't stand this growing up thing.

At last!

I quit today.

Sure I'll not leave them hanging, but will come in to do billing AFTER HOURS

But as of the 22nd - I'm out of PAC and away from Ken.

*

Why is it when you have money, you have no time and when you have time you have no money?

I am a work widow. My mouth is tied by guilt, my heart is thumping with sadness, and my mind keeps ticking about the injustice of it all.

As I enter each stage of life, I regret the lack of understanding I held for the previous stage. It was good then.

what have I learned?

Time is better than money.
Helplessness makes me angry.
If I would have known that I wouldn't be able to see squat at 45, I would have paid more attention to stuff around me.

Sometimes, you Just Gotta

So - - -

we're dead set to pay off credit cards AGAIN. With me working and not really needing the money, it seems the better part of honor, right?

. . . and then . ..

here I am, popping 'Proceed to Checkout' a few times at Amazon.Com because I won't have this card around after I buy the tickets to go get Ava/Kaia.

Why? Why? Why?

Because sometimes, after you hold back the spending thing for a while, you just HAVE to spend money. I don't know why, I just know it's true.


Robert's gonna kill me

Rain? Maybe?

What does a person have to do to get a little rain in this joint?

Jim and James Cooper prayed at church - I don't know if there's anything stronger than that.

Nothin.

When the horses walk across the pasture - uh, arena, it looks like they've been running. The dust if so fine, it's like a mist. Tesster coughs and it will not be brushed out of their coats.

God used to hold back rain when He was angry. I'm thinking we must have done something really bad.

WOOT!!

KAIA AND AVA ARE COMING!!!!

I am SO excited! I get to keep Kaia and Ava for a couple of weeks (more if I can hustle Brandee) in January!

You guys!!! Is this too exciting or what??

Talk about the best Christmas present ever!

Brandee, you the bomb!

Sobered on a Tuesday

Do you have someone you'd love to go back and be able to say "thank you" to?

Believe it or not, I was watching Good Morning America this morning - (I went to the bathroom after the weather or it would have been switched back to Fox) and they had a lady on there talking about a man who was kind to her in her first year of college.

She was one of those undesirables - overweight, glasses, shy, pimples. She'd been teased unmercifully for her whole school life and only went to college after she'd dropped out of school because it was so bad.

You all know the kind of person I'm talking about.

So she spoke on how this guy was kind to her. He was popular and hot and so girls hung with her because she was his friend. Guys talked to her because he was an 'in' group. He wouldn't let anyone talk trash about her - told them to 'Back off, she's a good friend of mine." He stood by her the whole time he was in college.

She ended up leading a normal life after all just because he spoke to her and drew her in to a better world. She saw a sweeter life because he showed it to her. He allowed her to put a foot in the door of a place she'd never been before - normalcy.

And he wasn't in it for anything but the fact that he saw the way she was treated and not only knew it was wrong but refused to allow it to happen around him. (They reunited after like 30 years on the show and of course I bawled.)

Youth is so given to the wrong people.

What would I give to go back and be the person who stood against that? I saw it happen to others, but while I don't remember actively engaging in the brutality, I didn't stop it either. And it's not because of a "what a wonderful person that Jackie is!" complex. I'ts about not standing in shame before my God.

So I learn and move on. Because that all I can do now.

Amy's got my Back

I crack myself up.

There is this sort of embarrassed pride that I have the (sometimes horrible) habit of speaking my mind. People misunderstand, I use no tact, that's not what they need to hear . . .etc . . .

Like I said, it can be horrible. I get in trouble all the time.

Then I heard myself sluffing something off on Amy. I have to do something really hard and was talking to her. She offered because , hey, what else is she gonna do? and I jumped on it like stink on Brymers breath.

I guess it's good to know that even Jackie has limits. Does this mean there's hope?

It's a Cozy thing

I'm all hyped about the weather change. Man, I LOVE this time of year. Got the fire going, cleaning out under the couch. Doing laundry. Listening to Jade and Nellie snore. And dodging Brymers tongue.

I needed it after 'j to the 5th' left.

There's some stuff coming down the pike I dread. Like with a Capital 'D'. So i think I'll just enjoy the calm while it lasts.

Zicam

I have been fighting off the flu since friday night when Robert pulled into the drive and stated; "I'm getting sick." headache from 'not heaven', running nose, and sore throat . . . .

Oh joy. J to the 5th is coming . .. I finally get a chance to get out and away with my trailer and horses and he is working on getting sick. Peachy.

So we run to the Walmart in Seguin and pick up the Zicam stuff you spray in your mouth (not your nose - how gross is it to have THAT on your counter next to the toothbrushes?) And just because he's all head achy and snorting beside me, I use it.

Never got sick all weekend! How cool was that?

So I come to work today, leaving the zicam at home because "I have beat it but good" and round about 1 o'clock, I get this horrific headache and now my nose is running. The zicam is sitting all alone in my bathroom.

Wadda bummer!

WADDA LOOOSER!

Brymer has been all droopy and stokes at the drop of a hat. I noticed that he had no energy and his hair looked all dull. His breath is four shakes past HORRIBLE! Honestly, like decomposition in August. I was, I feared in the last days of Brymers life.

About three days ago, I saw him doing his best to gum a piece of crust!

The guy can't use his teeth!!!

I am been starving my dog! As soon as I put food to soak up water, it was carnage!

He's so much more perky now.

Age

Found out what's up with my leg - About eight weeks of no riding and physical therapy. Bad buzz. Along with the arthritis, insomnia, more frequent trips to 'void' at night, forgetting little things, unable to run . ..

This age thing . . . man, how come so many people do it? I start laughing about all of it and people think I'm nuts. But what else can you do? When you dwell on it, you get all bummed. But I miss so many things. And I'm not even 50 yet.

I'm so glad longevity does not run in my family.

At my funeral . . .

Remember me with smiles and laughter
For that's how I'll remember you all.
If you can only remember me with tears
Don't remember me at all.

Don't you just love shows that make you cry because they're all sappy?

Case in point: I was watching 'Remember Me' from the Little House on the Prairie show.

Ohmiword!!!! It's about this lady who has three kids and she finds out she's going to die. So she goes before her congregation and tell people that she needs to find a home for them. Then, on her deathbed, she makes Charles vow to take care of it. She has the reverend read that poem (above) at her funeral.

So these people come who just want the boys because they can work the farm, and an old lady comes and just wants the little girl so she can have an heir. No one will take all three. So he's got to split them up.

There I was, ready to go to work, and I was bawling!

Oooooo

I was looking at the clock, thinking that I wanted to just go home. But hours are hours. Looks like I'm going to need'em as I stare at the word 'Obamanation' I have scrawled across my calender. And thinking that our days are now numbered here at work.
Which made me think that I get to now do what I want.
which means clean horses,
which means clean stalls

which means clean trailor,
which means load up trailor,
which means horse show which means Tornado.

This is tornado jumping.

Amazing how the mind works.

Sorry Kim, I couldn't Resist

I learned a cool word today while watching 'Becoming Jane."

"Impecunious" Having little or no money. It's fun to say. But I was wondering . . .

Is the Road to becoming imperurious voting for Obama?