Feelin a little Defeated

Why is the worst actions to take the easiest? Like every time?

My Friend

Have a lot going on with Christmas and England coming up - Jaci's about to kill me if I don't stop a second and update this.

Had my heart broken this season by a friend who's in a bad way. I listened to her and it felt as if I was this black hole sinking in on itself. Because I was powerless because I love so her so much.

But it was left at this; I have done far worse. It's all about accepting forgiveness.

I STINK at accepting forgiveness.

Happy Birthday, Jaci

I have to throw out into the void that I did NOT forget my daughter-in-law's birthday. (Called while she was at the dentist with Jarred and then had a snowball afternoon. It was rotten.)

But I wanted to give her something via this blog that would probably be one of the best gifts ever.

We were at the care group party here at the house on Tuesday and of course we got on the subject of Jaci/Jarred/Jah/Jules. And Alice Lester said - and everyone there agreed, that that was their idea of the ideal family. The kids were calm and well mannered, but still kids, Jaci was so soft spoken and gentle and Jarred was the true leader. Everyone misses them, everyone mentions them . . and Isabel won't stop looking for Julie and James.

Happy birthday Jaci. See? It's not all for nothing.

Granma Walton

When I was growing up, the one show I loved to watch was the Waltons. From 'The Homecoming' to whn John Boy got proposed to by Janet, I have been one of those people that watched it so much that I could say; "Oh! I know this one. It's the one about . . ."

I never could take much of granma Walton. She was this dour old chick, always frowning. Bossy. No nonsense grump.

Now I can see that I have grown into her! HA! All the things that irritated me about her are now alive and well in me! I go 90 miles an hour, so focused that I unintentionally talk hatefully. I come across like a sledge hammer and can't even see it.

. . . and then . . .

Then the reruns show me that she really was pretty stable. Her love was constant, no matter what, but she really stunk when she tried to show it. That's so me.

Kelly, my niece, once told Cheri, my sister, that 'Aunt Jackie sure is bossy, but I like her." And while I doubt she still says that, it did give me a reluctant smile - just like granma Walton.

It's Ava!!!!

Don't you love her little squeak?

Number 4!!!!

Ava Faye Hutton was born at am, weighing 8lbs and 6oz and 19 & 3/4 inches long! Rob's supposed to send me pictures tonight and if I can fugure out how to put them up, I will. He said she looks just like Kaia.

Couple of Questions

How do you give mercy when you simply can't abide being in the same room with the person who needs the mercy?

How do you show love when there is NO want to work at it?

How do you deal with the total disappointment in yourself at being unable to show Christianity?

Will I ever not feel so tired?

That thing . . waiting in the wings?
Still there.