How do you give mercy when you simply can't abide being in the same room with the person who needs the mercy?
How do you show love when there is NO want to work at it?
How do you deal with the total disappointment in yourself at being unable to show Christianity?
Will I ever not feel so tired?
That thing . . waiting in the wings?
Still there.
5 comments:
What questions for so early this morning? BUT legitimate question, how do you show mercy when you have not got your mind set to even be near them?
I have been there and I understand this pain. I have no magic answers but I know that is not what you were asking for.
I had to begin by being introspective and examine myself and look at myself from the perspective of others.
Sort of sounds worldly....me, me, me! But the unworldly part is the examining me, me, me. When I found myself to be lacking that is when I REALLY had to deal with my feelings.
Now, that is maybe, more than you asked for. I don't know the situation and have no idea what you are talking about or why you feel this way. I will keep you in my prayers as always I ask that you keep me in yours.
I will say this. I am happier now than I was back then, a gift from God.
Let me make a quick correction..I had to examine myself Biblically and then see myself from the perspective of other Christian but mostly God's view of me.
I feel this introspection is something I have had to do often and I guess it would be Christian to do it always.
How do you deal with the disappointment in self for not being Christian enough in your opinion?
another good question.....you are so hard on yourself! YOU can not be perfect! Accept it.
We love you, with all your warts (just a saying....don't go looking in the mirror now.)
Can you tell you are really on my mind this morning. Be prepared I may make another comment later.
Your first question- who said you had to be in the same room to show mercy? You can be compassionate without being there. You can show kindness without being there. As Darla said, we don't know what your situation is, but any one who argues that you have to be present to show mercy...I'd have to disagree.
Second- If you had no desire or want to show love, then this wouldn't be bothering you so much. You wouldn't be bothered at all if you didn't want to work at it.
Third- Don't we, as Christians, disappoint ourselves every single day with our inability to show Christ? If we aren't, we seriously need to look in the mirror and remove those HUGE planks in our eyes.
Fourth- If you can improve any of these feelings you have, then you should feel better. Any little step, no matter the size, toward becoming a better Christian should be praised (and you can't praise in true form when you feel so crappy).
As far as helping you with these issues....can't help there as I struggle with the same issues.
I'm a friend of Cryssy's, and today I read your blog for the first time.
I also don't know your situation, but I asked myself those SAME QUESTIONS for about a two-year period of time.
God revealed to me that I also did not deserve His mercy- at all. But He gave it and still gives it everyday.
I also realized that the human me could not love anywhere NEAR the way that God could. So I asked God to use me as His vessel to show His perfect love to someone that loving (for me) should have come easy, but it didn't. He has really done marvelous things.
I let my anger eat me from the inside out every day for TWO YEARS. Satan had a terrible foothold on me and I knew it. I prayed and cried and studied for peace. It was a process, and I know that He was teaching me through it all. And it's still not completely over, but I know where to turn.
I will pray for you. God bless.
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