There has been a nagging tick in the back of my head for the last week or so. That sense that something is not right somewhere . . that you forgot something big, or that there was a super negative feeling . . . a bad happening on the way.
I thought it was the girls. I thought it was putting too much time into something I was lukewarm at best about. I thought it was all about my attitude.
Found out last night that wasn't the case. Found out that I am a hindrance to someone in the Church - nothing I've done, just me. Me. I have no idea how to change. I am an empty hole right now.
I was told about this because it was felt that I needed to know this was the way people thought of me.
How in the world can this be encouraging?
I ache to crawl into Gods lap right now. There is no comfort here.
The Fam!
All Us Huttons
1 comment:
this maight not be of any help to you and i apologize if it has the opposite effect of what i am going for. i also am aware that you and God may have already worked this probelem out and if so feel free to not continue; but God placed it on my heart to read this entry and then comment to it, so here goes my heart!
i just know that i was on the giving end of that statement before and it really had NOTHING to do with other person at all! it was ALL ME and MY heart and MY relationship to God. I allowed Satan to use you as my excuse. i put the responsibility of getting over my own iniquities and short comings on you. and in turn placed the negative feelings i had about myself onto you as well. and allowed Satan keep a hold of me and allowed myself to not worship God fully.
I know that not everyone is like me (only few of us have that pleasure) but that was my deal when i hurt you deeply in the past. it really had wasn't you at all, just my placement of blame and responsibilty. I'm sorry, Jackie!
i love you so deeply i will never be able to find words!
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