Robert has always told me to "Respect the office, not the man." We were, of course, talking about Clinton and the office of the presidency. I never understood that. In fact, I vehemently disagreed with it. It appeared to me that when one dishonors the office (as was so in his case) the office itself had become corrupted, unworthy of even common courtesy.
. . and then . .
Mom was aware of all that was around her. She couldn't verbalize it, but you could tell in her eyes that she knew - knew people, events, had a train of thought going that was connected. All weekend I was surrounded with "Darlin" and "Sweeties" and obnoxious baby talk and patronizing tones. I was encouraged to 'sleep in', 'go shopping' and 'take it easy'. It's like all this that had happened with mom was orchestrated so us sisters could all get together.
All I could think was: 'My mother is dying, and you're ushering her out with no dignity.' All of Roberts talk became instantly crystal. No matter what, she has earned your respect. No, it demands it. You must respect her position.
And all my problems with my mother were so secondary to that.
She dodged the 'death' bullet, I think. Time will tell. But she took the 'nursing home' shot full force in the chest. I have no idea what my feeling are.
2 comments:
I'm so glad you went and faced the demons that were waiting for you; it appears that that realization of her position is the knowledge you had to come to in order to deal with all the other. Now, you can come to peace with her.
I'm so proud of you.
I can relate to your dilema with all this and say from the perspective of death, that dealing with the demons while she is alive is so much better than second guessing once she has passed. I daily dwell on my relationship with my father and my brother and with sadness know that I ran and hid from them rather than heading in straight on and dealing with things. You are such a better person than I am Jackie and I love you for that.
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