And now presenting . . .

Every time I spend any real time with my book, my stomach starts to hurt!

I have to decide on 3 markets to sell my book. I want to go out of the state of Texas (for at least one of the areas), but am overwhelmed with my options. Did some research and found out that Texas was #1 in the nation for horse ownership, California is #2, Oklahoma is #3 and Missouri is number four.

Here's the problem: Which of the three states should I focus my book on? And which markets inside these states should I consider???

I've narrowed it down to Texas and California, but where in Texas would I sell the most books? Dallas/Ft Worth? San Antonio? Houston? Abilene? And where in California? Fresno? Los Angeles?

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

I am tempted to go with Kansas City if for no other reason that it is because my book started in Knob Noster, just a skip down highway 50 from there.


My stomach really hurts.

Negativity

Have just about decided to stash all negative feelings and simply ignore them. (Read Amy's blog and got to feeling guilty, I guess.)

Because, honestly, who gets edified by that? Should I expect people to understand? Do I really want them that close? If they were that close, would I even need to say anything at all? Isn't it just a case of me wanting to vent and get pats on the back?

And shame on me for that.

Rocky

I am so SICK of getting punched in the stomach.

It seems like I have been insulted and taken advantage of too many times to count.

And satan is using people I love to kick and slap and insult me. And I can't say anything. My eyes sting with unshed tears. I am powerless.

I feel like the end of Ricky 1 where he's standing in the middle of the ring yelling for Adrianne. But it's me, in the middle of my life crying out to God . . . Please, please come rescue me.

It's aliiiiiive.

A whole new month. I've been so busy I haven't had time to write.

But to let you know, I'm alive and kicking. Been to Connecticut, Massachusetts, New York and Vermont.

Things I've found out about myself.

1. I can teach the Gospel.

2. I REALLY want to live north where there's trees and cold.

3. I am much more attached to my husband than I thought I was.

4. I am way too hard on myself.

5. I can change - - if I decide I want to.

Just'a ramblin

Well, I feel like slime!

Susie Pursch's father passed away and I couldn't make the funeral. (In my defense, all I had to drive was the 89 step side without air conditioning with the two kids because Jaci was at work), but still, I feel horrible. I've always felt like weddings were optional, funerals were mandatory. I broke my own rule.

The puppy I was supposed to get I had to get early because the mother turned on them and really injured a couple of them. One was Jaci's and we ended up having to put it down. Super bummer.

Rode Chief. He's AWESOME - has a fantastic lope (that would be a three beat gait that is smooth for you guys who haven't read my book yet.) I have to make sure to keep him ridden or all the training is for naught. Have to treat it liker a job.

Have to go. Jaci's fixing dinner (YEHAAAA!!!) and I'm keeping an eye on the kids.


s

Argh!

If . . .

it's raining and you're being passed by a lady with a horse trailer with a black and white horse inside it, you might need to check your speed.


Perhaps get up to the speed limit? Even up to five miles under the speed limit?

Lessons

Have come to the conclusion that I am a better grandmother than I was a mother. Stupid things that used to tilt the world for me now are so trivial.

For example, I had a lady at Church go on and on about how great her one year old was doing with potty training. I got to thinking; "So what if he learns in one year or two or three? Rob took two days to learn and Jarred took a solid year. Does that matter AT ALL now?"

I wish I would have known that when the boys were little. I would have smiled more.

Catch up time

Wow and is time fleeting or what? I'll bet if I went back and gave myself a dollar for every time I've blogged that . . .well, I'd be taking money from myself, so I don't guess I'd be rich! But I'd be uh . . . amazed.

Am busy busy busy with the kids, work and other less than fun stuff around here. It is so cool to have Jaci here to talk to. Just to have her nod is great. And she likes to help with the horses!

Have to come up with a nick name for Kaia. It really bothers me that I haven't gotten the chance to know her yet. We're going to England when Brandee has the next baby in December and am really hoping that something will slap me like it did with Jah and Jewel. I'm thinkin 'Flash'.

My throat hurts. Jah had a temp yesterday. Are the peanuts in early?

Got plates for my GMC. WOOOOO HOOOOO!

Have to put the kids in the tub and get settled in for 'Wives Swap'. I love Mondays.

Humility

So there I was, all proud and stuff, pulling up my book on google and amazon and dalton when Jarred says; "Mom, did you mean to misspell 'humility'?"

There it was, big as life - 'If You Wanna Learn Humilty . . .'

HA!!

Friends

People who use relationships to further their own ends.

People who turn a bad situation of others into payoff for themselves.

People who use another to cushion their fall, or their path or their climb.

Living around those who deal with these things and the total uselessness as I look on.


Are there words that convey the depth of my contempt?

New Name for Jul-leeee

I have come up with a new name for my grand-daughter, Julie.

I've always done the nick name thing. Rob was Ruby, my priceless gem, Jarred was the 'head', James was Jah and I could never really think of anything for Julie because I never knew her.

But, after this trip, after spending time time with her, after listening to her little expressions . . Julie is now 'Jewel'. My new gem.

I have them for 3 months. I am one lucky chick a roo.

"it'z whas up"

Had our "Hutton #2" Care group last night. I had no idea these people would be so fun. (I LOVED #1, so how could these guys compare?) I learned a lot in the hour and a half and really look forward to the next. I was afraid I wouldn't care anything about this group . . man, did God show me something or what? This is going to be a blast.

I'm off to Hawaii. Got a good book and the flight ended up not being as long as I feared. Have to make sure I lay off the water/sodas. And broccoli.

If You Wanna Learn Humility . . . Publish a book

Okay . . .

go to :
www.authorhouse.com/Bookstore/BookHome.aspx

Click on 'Humor' on the left hand side.
Check out number 5

. . .and there is the dream I've had since I was a young thing . . .

I think I'm gonna throw up.

A hard Wednesday

I used to think that knowledge destroyed happiness. As you go through life you hear things - too many things that are negative about those we love, or those we hold in high esteem. And so you live life knowing things you wish so badly you didn't know and try to go on, learn from it, build a new relationship from it and - - - -wham!, you learn more.

Can't you just leave things alone? Can't you just shut your eyes, plug your ears and hum a song really loud?

. . .and then . . .


But now I think that knowledge kills innocence. It really really stinks that you can't go back.

Fall

Things are starting to settle. Not really in my life, but with the year.

Autumn has always been my favorite time of year. I used to LOVE to go to school - - the smell of Elmers glue, Big Chief notebooks and the gritty scent of the chalk board. Sliding into the new desk, getting your best friend in your class, knee socks that were still white and still stayed up without a rubber band. Man, I loved school.

Autumn; the summing up, the cool down, the holidays too far away to worry about but too close to ignore, the trees, the settling accounts . . ..

The time to prepare. The time to slow.

I would've made a great ant.

Estrogen City

It's a whole new world. Rob and Brandee are having a girl . . Jarred and Jaci are having a girl. How odd is that? I'll have one grandson and three granddaughters.

But really, the Cecilia line (me) has mostly girls, the Hutton brothers (Robert and the ALL BOY siblings) have almost nothing but girls. It was just me and Barbara who had boys.

When people have mostly boys it's said that it is God preparing the world for a war. Does that mean that all girls means peace? I'll ask Rob and Jarred about that one.

Camping

Got my trailer over here at the house finally. Robert and I and the dogs and the big horses are going to Kileen on Thursday so I need to get it ready. There's just something about a camp fire under a Texas sky to help a person chill.

We're also getting Chief back to see whats what with him. With the heat, I don't expect to do much riding, but I want to be around him and the Tesster more. Just the thought of bathing, brushing, grooming . . .it is as calming as a bubble bath to me.

I realize I have no life, but boy, my horses do.

What was that?

I really need to get my eyes fixed. I couldn't see Megan's picture on a big screen during her graduation yesterday. I can't read Amy's blog anymore. When did this happen??? Am I old? The problem is that I can't wear my glasses to read the blog and then type. I'm near sighted.

So doe that mean that the screen is now considered a distance from me???

AAAARGGHHH!

This age thing stinks. Big time.

Jaci! Where are you?????

Wow. What an eye opener. God don't mess around when He goes to teach a lesson, huh?

And satan don't miss a trick.

I now know that I can't do the foster thing . . . I don't think I will be able to do it for anyone. After the mess and attitude, I was left with a girl that was as good in the heart as you can get, and she had to be returned to a lady in it for the $$$. And Cynthia? I can see that God has shut that door and has used this last bout of stuff to explain His reasoning to me. What I learned about myself was sobering. I was totally pitted out.

And then satan used 'friends' to knock me down.

I need Jah and Julee and Jaci and being able to talk and have help with the house work and being allowed to be in a down mood without dishonoring God.. I need to do cards and jewelry and paint and draw. I need to be me again.

Monday Night

There has been a nagging tick in the back of my head for the last week or so. That sense that something is not right somewhere . . that you forgot something big, or that there was a super negative feeling . . . a bad happening on the way.

I thought it was the girls. I thought it was putting too much time into something I was lukewarm at best about. I thought it was all about my attitude.

Found out last night that wasn't the case. Found out that I am a hindrance to someone in the Church - nothing I've done, just me. Me. I have no idea how to change. I am an empty hole right now.

I was told about this because it was felt that I needed to know this was the way people thought of me.

How in the world can this be encouraging?

I ache to crawl into Gods lap right now. There is no comfort here.