Virginia

Of course Brandee had to download these because I am the least computer literate person in the world. But you guys get an idea of these two cute kids Im hanging out with.

Have to tell you a cute story. I was in the hall and I thought I was alone, so I had a little gas. Okay, it was sorta loud, but after that plane ride I didn't care. Kaia comes tearing around the corner and says: "Daddy!"

His father would be so proud.

the South Will Rise Again.

Went to lunch today for BBQ. Being from Texas, I smirk when people say they know a good BBQ place. While the food was good, it was NOT BBQ.

The Church here is so like home, except the song leader was un . . . . .

. .. . . re . . . . .

. . . . . lee . . . . .

. .. . . . drag . . . .

. . . . ging . . . .

I've never been so glad to see the back end of "Stand Up for Jesus"


Virginia is a Yankee state, I don't care what the mason dixon line says.

These people are weird. And rude. And it's unreal that they won the war.

Airport Observations

I stand there, waiting for the call to wait in line so I can wait to check in, wait to find my seat, wait to take off, wait to land . . .

anyhow,

There I was, listening to my music watching people in the airport. I saw dozens of chubby couples, the wife almost always in front of the 'Dun-Lap' guy behind her. She looks perpetually irritated, he looks anxious that he is the cause for that irritation. And the only thing that I can't keep out of my mind is the fact that once those two giggled and whispered and 'did laundry' all the time. She ached for his call and died a little death when he kissed her. He hurried home to be able to touch her hand, smell the scent of 'her'.

But somewhere along the line they became disillusioned with that, or with each other, or maybe with life.

So what were people thinking as they watched me?

I think I need to remember that.

Attitude

My attitude is really beginning to worry me.

I know I've said this before, but, MAN! I am getting worse and worse as I grow older when it comes to speaking my mind. I listen to myself and can actually see me outside of me, lunging in slow motion, my arm out stretched hollering "NNNNNOOOOOO!" as I try to stop the words exit my mouth.

Is it because I love less? Because while I care what people think, I don't care nearly like I used to. Not at the expense of shutting up.

. . . and then . . .

... maybe that I love too much to shut up.

Nah, not that.

The Lottery

Because I'm fixin to go to Norfolk and then to Denver, I've been trying to wrap things up so Robert Fuselier doesn't have kittens or have all his hair fall out while I'm gone. Worry to that degree is SUCH a tiring waste of time. Every day I ask myself WHY I work there. It's to keep Robert Fuselier sane, I think. I am the only one he chills down around. So I bought him a Message Bible.

I'm entering into the show world again. Emily Mann will be showing my mini Tornado and Sara Stewart will be in charge of Hercules. What kind of idiot am i, huh? But those girls are NUTS about horses and showing. And I have a lot of horses.

It all comes down to using what God gives you to further God and not you.

It's a lottery. You don't ask God to bless you with that 45 million so you can show Him what you will do for Him. You take that 45 dollars and show Him what you will do for Him

So I guess I've won the lottery.

MP-3

Wow and how horrible has the last few weeks been? And just when I think I can't be hurt anymore . . .

God kicked me in my complacency. It's nice to actually grin while I type that. So I'm up late - it's 10:45pm!- buying music off Yahoo music so I can shut the door and work in oblivion tomorrow. I hear this stuff and it makes me relax.

and then . . .

My jaw hurts from bracing against the inevitable.

Thing that Makes Me Stop and Go "Hmmmm. . . "

And interesting observation:

I had a eye blurring, fighting-throwing-up, pulsating headache all day yesterday. I dreaded class with Emily Mann and Sarah Stewart because I was afraid of getting sick all over the place or falling off the horses because my equilibrium is effected by these headaches.

But I rode and I taught and my head felt better and better and better until it was gone.

Really gone. For the first time in literally 3 weeks. Gone.

Maybe it was the smell of Chief's sweat. Or the way Tesster obeyed. Or the laughter of those little girls.

Gone. Honest. Gone.

Blame it on Robert

Robert won't let me ride to work this week. It's hard on the horse and hard on me.

Personally, I think it's harder when I don't get any alone time with my horse, God and myself. Makes me sour.

And after yesterday, I think Robert's going to regret this decision.

. . .and the hits . . .

While I love Amy more than my luggage, I so wish she wouldn't worry. I have no idea how to stop taking on so much. So it's a bummer to know that I'm worrying her.

That being said . . .

There comes a point where all you can do is tie a knot and not let go.

Even if you don't want to.

I feel like I'm too old to have choices.

My God and I

There I was, sitting in the pew, singing 'Faithful Love' and crying because Christ is truly the ONLY one who will not let me down. It was so cool to have a and having such a heart so full of gratitude that it spilled out all over my face . . .


. . . and then . ..

. . . and then Mike and Jenn went forward to place membership and Mike ended up getting baptised by Robert.

Proof positive that God loves to give out gifts when we least expect them and in quantities that are unreal in their proportions.

An Explanation

Wes's tests came back bad. I want to go to Arkansas just to give one hug, then come back.

My Dralena's tests came back bad. I have this great need to just put my hand on her - just to feel that she is near.

My brother, Mike had a heart attack. He's 51.

I will not be negative around people. I will not. I will not.

Wes is optimistic. Dralena is quiet and Mike is all right now.

I will smile around people. I will.

No wonder my head won't stop hurting.

. . . and then . . .

This is an unreal 2 weeks.

. . . and then . . .

. . . then you think of how it could get. And then you shudder.

I Thought it was Just Brymer & Nellie

Was staring across the desk at Darla Royal today and I thought; "She's one of those too."

"Those" being people who accept/love/put up with me no matter what.

Darla with her quiet strength. And her listening ear. And her loyalty. And her emphatic tear filled eyes

Jennifer Maxwell. she would drop everything, even Mike if I needed her. Awesome.

Dana Lamore - her love makes me fearless. I rest in the security of Dana.

Kara who needs me almost as much as she loves me. She loves me enough to let me overprotect her.

Jaci who is a friend first and foremost, then family. She is so patient. She is a smile.

And, believe it or not, the list goes on. Susie, Robert Fuselier, Corinna, Donna, Betty, Jamie, Mike, James, Rachel, Karen, Dralena, Alice, Misty, Brad . . . the world is full of unreal people. God gave them to me.

This is not a blog to cover bases. It's an reference of my worth. These people are amazing. And I am special to them.

So I must be doing something right.

My Sweet Paula

Went forward today at Church. Too much hitting me too fast. I needed power and needed it yesterday.



. . . Cheri, Kelly, Amy, Andy, Karen, Robert, Paula, Rob. . .



And it was like there was something else. Something big. And then I opened Wes's e-mail.



If you are blessed in life, you have one of those "no matter what, no matter how long it's been since you spoke, no matter what you do" friends. They stand by you. These people are really odd. They love and accept me no matter what. I don't irritate them. They actually seemed pleased to see me. Just having one is an unreal blessing.

I have four. Robert Hutton, Sarah Morlock, Amy Lamore and Paula Tarte.

Paula lives in Arkansas. She and her husband Wes would play cards with Robert and I into the wee hours. She knows things about me that NO one knows. She listens. She laughs. And I adore her. I always have. And will.

She's getting sucker punched as we speak. Unfair and surprisingly violent, the hits just keep on coming to her.

Can she feel the love I have for her across the miles? Like I felt that something was up on July 6th?

Pray. Please.

Sometimes

Sometimes you have to sit back and allow God to love someone enough to do what He needs without hindering Him so they will come back.

Sometimes you have to listen to a love so large you can't comprehend.

Sometimes you have to let go of all the wisdom of this ball of mud and allow that there is Someone who knows more than you and better than you and stronger than you ever imagined. And He wants her back - is desperate to have her back.

I have to tell Kelly that.

JustJackieRamblin

It is so cool to finally be able to not be exhausted totally at the end of the day. I used to get up, ride to work, work, ride home (in 103 degrees) and just sit there in this confused daze as I carefully didn't lean my sweaty back into the cushions of my sofa.

Now I do all that with an extra jump. I'm not tired at 10 o'clock. (Yes, you read that last correctly. I don't go to bed until 11 now. ) I am painting and moving furniture and actually spending time with the horses. Too cool.

Sure I'm having insomnia, sure my blood pressure is too high, and sure, I'm way too fat,

But other than that, I'm goood.

Oh, and I miss Jarred/Jaci and the kids.

And I don't know what I would do to see Kaia, Rob and Brandee. And I don't think I'd know Ava if she was handed to me in the street.

But other than that . . .

Oh! A quick not to those I haven't really talked to in awhile:
I sure do love Darla.
And Dana.
And Paula - I so miss Paula.
And *Donna.
And *Donna.

But really, it's cool. Finally.



*Those are two different people."\

To Jaci

If you hadn't turned that left a long time ago and met Jarred . . ..

I wouldn't know James. I wouldn't know Julee. I wouldn't know Jocelyn. I would know Ceal, and Joe and Gen. I wouldn't know Jade. I wouldn't laugh with you. I wouldn't get to ride horses with you. Or make broccoli. Or try your chicken bread, or giggle at the guys behind their backs, or sit next to you in services, or almost bust with pride at the job you do as a wife and mother. And daughter. Or watch your face at Bible study. Or a zillion other things that has happened because you decided to give my kid a second glance.

You can second guess the rights and wrongs of every decision and go nuts with 'What if's . .. "

But the simple fact is - I have you. And the my world is a better place because of that.

And it ain't even a Monday

Wadda day. And a rotten one it was, I'm here to tell you.

Had a doctors appointment. Found out some not so great stuff and went back to work and ended up having to have John drive me home because I couldn't drive. Spent the rest of the day laying low. Missed church. Didn't get to see my horses like at all, Robert was so worried I thought he was going to cry. I didn't finish payroll, I didn't enter anything new in the computer, I didn't check billing, I didn't get to see Amy or Darla, or Jennifer or Mike or Kara, or Mildred or Alice - - crud, this list could REALLY go on and on.

Wadda rotten day.

HA!

I was riding to work yesterday and the mama dog and three of her puppies came out at me !!!

She's gained weight and the puppies are way too cute. It was kinda hard to make sure it was her, but them I could tell. Her little thingies were all shriveled just like . . uh. waitaminute.

Maybe we shouldn't go there.

My Saturday

So here I am at work on Sunday because this is the only time Robert could get in to check the server for Robert (Fuselier). I come in and there's notes from people telling me that I blew it again with the billing. I looked over everything and I didn't. So I have to pray for tact when they come in so it doesn't ruin my day.

Cheri came in and cleaned my house yesterday. It is CLEAN and it smells SO good, I think I'm a happy happy camper. I could get all kinds of stuff done yesterday because I didn't have to play catch up on all the housework on my Saturday. I even re-seeded the back two pastures AND cleaned out the tack room! It was great! That chick is hired!

It rained last evening! Real rain. thunder and lightning and decent showers for about 20-30 minutes! The ground smelled all sour. But the seeds will take, I hope.

I think that's why God held off on the rain. I've been needing to put that grass out for 6 months. But since I didn't God must have held off on the rain until I did.

So the drought is my fault.