What? What?!! WHAT?

The girls kept up this steady sound yesterday. A low, constant grunting thing. It was like they were hurt, or whining, but when I'd check on them, they would smile, then start up again. They did it over and over. I kept thinking that Ava was dealing with a diaper issue, or that Kaia was upset over something Ava got into.

Even in the bath, they kept it up. It was when Kaia got on her tummy and arched her back in the water that I realized they were singing the song from "The Little Mermaid" which I had played earlier yesterday!

You should have seen their face when I sang it back to them! It was like I was this movie star, because I could sing 'Ariel'.

Updates

Let's see . . .

Robert is still working ALL THE TIME.

Ava walks around, pulling EVERYTHING off of EVERYTHING.

Kaia is busy planning for the next time she gets to see her best friend (s) . She's also started packing because it's "time I get back to my house, granma."

I am so tired of 'Wonder Pets' and 'Diego'.

Jennifer STILL hasn't had her baby. Mike is still just chillin.

Jamie's life is taking off.

Kara is still working on that wall.

Ashley has wormed her way into my heart.

I'm getting over the intimidation of Seth.

Oh, Have to go. Ava has figured out how to open the wet wipes and she's ripping them all apart.

Sarah

I am sick with worry over Sarah Morlock.

There are reasons for everything. I have NO desire to lay blame on anyone for anything save myself.

Life has been blasting me for awhile. I have watched their dedication thin, then deterioate. I don't understand her reasons for all of it and I don't understand others remarks about them. I don't see how anything can come before the love that Christ calls us to - on either side. I don't understand how a Christian can feel unwelcome.

The end of the matter is this: they are dying.

Thursday

Yesterday evening was horribly crazy here. I had an appointment and had to have the Fuseliers take the girls (because of the 'Caden play' factor). Kaia played and played and played while Ava destroyed everything that the other two had made and laughed and laughed and laughed.

In the meantime, I was in a MRI tube, in the 'superman position' - and didn't realize that I would need ear plags. The sound hurt and I mean - PAIN!! So I crushed my left ear into my left shoulder and jammed my middle and index finger into my right ear to block the noise. It was effective but super uncomfortable. It was also a 45 minute procedure. My arm and hand were numb - until the pain set in. Oh joy. I was in that clanking Godzilla for over an hour and a half total - one for my spine, the other for my hand.

We get home and Robert pulls in just before me @ 6:12pm. He hugs the girls then sets out to go on a visit. Doing my best not to throw up, I fixed the girls dinner.

Kaia had a fit that Grandpa went to Church and forgot to take her, Ava was whining because Kaia wouldn't let her watch her poo, wouldn't let her eat lint etc. . . And my eyes looked like something off of a 'They Came From the Grave' movie. The headache was intense. Brymer snapped at Kaia.

"But I was nice to him and everything, Grandma!"

We waited until 8 pm for Granpa to get back, but he didn't make it. So I told Kaia a story (Repunzal) and told her to go to sleep. She was out in under 5 minutes and Ava (who had been put in bed @ 7:20), never stirred.

Come on, Friday!

Little Texas

Kaia had a day yesterday. She goes running down the hall at mach 5 and hit her arm against the corner of that little Texas table of mine. Then she pinched her hand BIG TIME in her closet doors. Then she met Mr. Electric Fence and he bit her bad.

Crying, she told me that "It has been a crazy day, Grandma!"

Kaia says she doesn't want to be a cowgirl.

Serpents

When you love someone and they use that against you, does that disgust anyone but me?

You love them and you can't help it and they use that to manipulate you.

They use what is good about your character and twist it around until you are confused about what is right and what is wrong anymore.

Until you feel like a failure both for helping them and believing in them.

People who use ' . . . (love) bears all thing, believes all things trusts all things . . ." to their advantage.

Isn't that what satan did in the garden when he inserted that one word: ". . . not. . . "?

A God Story

I prayed a prayer Wednesday night @ Brandee's house. I begged God not to forget me when I got on the plane with Kaia and Ava. I didn't think I could bear it if people looked at me with them and thought they were not good kids. (Guess it's a grandma thing: Don't talk trash about my babies, I don't care who you are.)

Sleep didn't stay that night and each time I woke I prayed it again. I prayed to not get angry no matter what. I prayed to be able to keep my cool when I got those sneers from the passengers - or be able to bear the panic I would see in those peoples eyes as I moved close to them with two toddlers.

(BTW, I wasn't really thinking much on it until Brandee scared the snot out of me . . . thanks a lot, chick.)

And they were unreal. They never slept, but never fussed, never cried, never even spoke too loud (except Kaia when we took off; "We're going up, Granma!") We talked and played and colored and snacked and people smiled when they saw us to to the bathroom together. A lady even came up and told me how impressed she was with my grand -daughters.

With all that's happening in the world - Kuwait, Obama, Cheri, Kelly . . . Still God made sure I was taken care of. He really cared. Talk about humbling.

Tweety

I GET TO GOT GET KAIA AND AVA TOMORROW MORNING!!!!

I am way too excited! So I went into their room today and there was a bird flying around in it! Seems it got in thorough a hole I didn't know was in the screen trying to get warm! How cool is that? I just opened the windows and it left, but I can't wait to tell Kaia that a bird wanted to be her roomy!

I'm feeling much better now, but it's like I haven't seen the fam in a year! Can't wait for tonight to get together with the Tuesday night bunch before I leave tomorrow.

The Relaxing Weekend.

This weekend is a looming monster - @ least today and tomorrow...

Friday:
*Have to clean and stock the trailer
*Have to bathe Tornado - the horse Emily is showing
*Have to get to the clinic to pick up the Ambien CR before it closes
*Have to hook up and get to Seguin by myself (Robert's at home this time)
*Have to back 35 ft trailer into it's place without Robert (gulp!)
*Have to set up camp without Robert

Saturday:
*Amy's Birthday
*Have to get up and prep the horse for show - wait for Carol/Ron to get there before 7 while keeping my cool.
*Have to be ready to get Sarah (who's showing Hercules) prepped to show, while keeping my cool
*Have to sweat bullets without anyone knowing that I'm sweating bullets while Emily/Sarah shows
*Put up the horses and watch the show
*Hook up without Robert (gulp)
*Get home, unpack , clean out trailer

Sunday:
*Robert's Birthday
*Got to services.
*come home and rest
*Go back to services

Monday:
*Our 28th anniversary.

And, as if I needed more to add to my tension, I'm sitting here, listening to Bama talking about how the government is going to pay for everything for everybody, for all time. And he put Panetta in charge of the CIA. What a horrific mess.

Doom

Jadey Girl-She live in her Jady World

Jade watches the fence - all sides for danger. (All sides for the opportunity to dig her way into the pasture.)

She is the terror. (Except when Nellie-a tenth of her size- lets her have it.)

She is queen of her pillow (Okay, queen of the small one I got for Nellie, because Nellie won't give up the big one so Jade squashes herself into the 'cat' bed)

She is the puller of all pullers on our nightly walk (So, I unhook her for most of it - gives the chick some privacy.)

Jade is the dog who sees a little girl in the yard next to us and barks, wiggles her bottom and gets that tail swinging into danger mode because she thinks it's Julie or James and she misses them.

And if I didn't love her for any other reason, I'd love her for that.

You Just Do

Jarred and I are a lot alike. We both have opinions, we both think we're right and we both don't let go of them. Usually, Robert and Jaci are caught in the crossfire.

After one of the discussions that Jarred and I . . uh . . .'discussed' while we were in Colorado, I asked Robert how he was able to just let stuff go the way he does. (I obviously STINK at it). And he said, "You just do, baby."

"You just do"?

Well, how in the world are you supposed to do that?

I began to watch him and the way he took things. He's so laid back, non-aggressive, but firm at the same time. It's really discouraging. No matter how hard I want to let things go, I can't sometimes. If I just shut up,it bubbles, then explodes. If I speak it, I hurt someone because when you vent off steam, "someone gets burned". I can't find the medium. But Robert has. And he shows it over and over every minute of every day.

And he says he's the lucky one.

Go figure.

K, guys . . .

I guess this is the pot calling the kettle black . . .

What's up with the 'no blogging' that's going on? It's amazing at how much I look forward to reading Amy's, Jaci's, Dana's, Jenn's, Darla's, Erin's and now Jarred's blog - and the air has gone silent. And I'm not looking for responses to mine . . .(but it would be cool if THAT happened?)

But really, it's not about me here . . .

Let us just disregard the ones I work to keep a faint hope on hearing from; Andy, Jamie, Kara, Ceal . . .

It's all probably because I will have extra time coming up. What? isn't everyone quitting their job?

and then again . . . it isn't this all about me.

But wouldn't it be cool if . . .

but it's not about . . .

what it's all about

Although the cold is nice (not that cold - 60 degrees today), i don't think i can handle the cold weather here in Colorado. My nose is bleeding from being so dried out. And my skin looks like rice paper!

. . . and then . . .

And then I look at Julee and James and Jocelyn and Jaci and (sometimes) Jarred - - the dry air stuff ain't that important. And although it's driving Robert nuts to be so confined, I love the lumpy feel of their skin -

well, not Jaci's.

Hey, and I don't miss work AT ALL!

Simmering

We live in a wrinkled world. Messy. Needing work, but put in a basket for a more convenient time.

There's so much to hide, isn't there? So many things that scream to be said, but are left dormant.

Because what if we really did speak what we know needs to be said? How would that affect relationships? Would we still be loved? Or would we get to the point where we didn't even care anymore?

Isn't the relationship destroyed by their actions or my inaction?

A wrinkled world that screams for a hot steam iron.

FREEDOM!!!

WHAT A HORRIBLE LAST DAY!!

God reminded me of why I quit today.

I get to go to Linda and Darla's Book Club Thing a ma roo and get into it! I get to scrapbook! I get to brush my horse! I get to clean the house! I get to get out and move! (losing weight helps with the pain from the sciatica.) I get to go see J to the 5th! I get to ignore the calls from Robert Fuselier! I get to take my time on 'poop patrol'!

Oh, life of boundless joy!

Post Office vs UPS

Do I write about the fireplace cozy fire? The countdown to Denver? The cold? The pictures Brandee sent? The countdown to Kai and Ava? The waiting for the MRI? The countdown to the 22nd?

Man, life is going warp 9! Think I'll share a little irritation from this morning.

I went to the post office today to send off Rob's Christmas present.
The chick behind the counter said, "Oh, you need to fill out a form."
And I said: "Oh, OK." and moved to one side.
She said:, "No. You need to go to the back counter."
and I said: "I don't take up that much room, huh? I'll just do this real quick."
and she said; "No. I have to wait on customers."
And I said: "I'll stay out of the way."
and she said: "No. What if they need to use the pen?"

And I said: Oh. I'll just use UPS."
and she said: 'You'll have to pay more."
and I said: "Sometimes, that just doesn't matter."

And they were so nice. I'll go there all the time.

Horton

There's a huge elephant in the room here at work.

It's sorta pathetically funny. No one will face the fact that I am not at PAC as of the 22nd.

So, here's ole tactful Jackie today. Robert, Karen and Ken are in my office going over stuff.

Karen: "Jackie, can you find this on the computer? I have no idea about how to go about it."

Jackie: "Well, someone needs to learn so you can fill my position."

(Insert the sound of crickets chirping here.)

Maybe they think I'm bluffing?

AvaLynn

Ava will be one tomorrow! ONE!!!

AvaLynn Faye Hutton - ain't that a great name?

I read Jaci's post and realized that all my grand kids are technically toddlers. And it's cool for Kaia, James and Jules

. . . but Ava and Jocey? And I've missed it all because of time and distance.

Waitaminute. That's an old person's remark.

I can't stand this growing up thing.

At last!

I quit today.

Sure I'll not leave them hanging, but will come in to do billing AFTER HOURS

But as of the 22nd - I'm out of PAC and away from Ken.

*

Why is it when you have money, you have no time and when you have time you have no money?

I am a work widow. My mouth is tied by guilt, my heart is thumping with sadness, and my mind keeps ticking about the injustice of it all.

As I enter each stage of life, I regret the lack of understanding I held for the previous stage. It was good then.

what have I learned?

Time is better than money.
Helplessness makes me angry.
If I would have known that I wouldn't be able to see squat at 45, I would have paid more attention to stuff around me.