So here I am, in Hawaii. I made it and ain't that the longest flight in the world? Got to thinking while I was up there - had plenty of time! - about the lengths I go to just to hold a little girl I've never met. I just don't want to hold her, I physically ache to. Julie. I have to admit, because I promised myself for better or worse that this would be truth all the way, that I have never been a very good parent. Too many obstacles, too much history that really destroyed the joy I should have felt as Rob and Jarred grew. Because they were amazing guys. Pictures of their daddy. and I was too young and too selfish and had such low self esteem. . I lost that part of their lives. I am swamped by the absolute waste of those years.
. . . and then . . .
and then I look at the amazing men they have become. Are there bounds for the pride I hold? In their accomplishments, in their choices for their wives, in their children, in their honorable lives? I don't think so. and while I ache to hold Julie and chase Jah, I came here mostly to see my son, Jarred. And to enjoy the little boy that is still there. Only with me.
The Fam!
All Us Huttons
3 comments:
I so glad to hear that when you feel like a bad parent that it all turns out well in the end if you trust the Lord. I'm a horrible mom. I can parent reasonably well but I'm just not a "mom." I never will be and that scares me for my son's sake. But I trust that God knows what He is doing and will pick up all the slack I'm dragging around. Hopefully someday Gabe will become a wonderful man as well. Tell Jarred I wish I was there for a visit too. I'd love to meet his wife and see the kids. You'll have to tell me the next time they get on this side of the ocean. It would be worth the trip.
You are something else; I am so proud of you and love you with all my heart.
You were not a bad mom. Maybe a little strict, but come on. Jarred and myself turned out quite alright. Besides if you guys were not strict with us growing up, boot camp would have actually been a scary place :) Love you and if you still feel like the best years of my life were a waste to you, then atleast you got some grandbabies to make up for lost time with. Love you - Rob
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