If someone has hurt you so much that a full day doesn't go by without your very soul freezing up at it's memory . . .
If someone obliterates your trust in them and it's so deep that it actually makes you question yourself . . (I realize that only those that have 'been there' understand that last) . . .
If you have been gut shot by someone so thoroughly, you live in a kind of terror that you might see them and at the same time, you search every crowd on the chance they might be there . . .
If that same someone has hurt others that you love past all reasoning . . .
If you ache to confront them but refuse to because what if . . Oh, Father, what if they actually make it worse by their words or their apathy . . .
Is a blanket apology enough? Or is it a cowardly way out? Or is it the best they can offer and so you should accept it with understanding faith in what they were, and what they will become and what you can help them to achieve?
I don't know. I just don't know.
4 comments:
Rosie says:
Girl, you are so deep!!! Man you need to be a therapist. I am literally turned inside out...with tears streaming down my face. The first 2 paragraphs grabbed my heart and once again the pain of divorce flows in. You pharased it so "on the money"(heart).....your very soul freezing up at it's memory; I... to this day can not believe those terrible words I heard by someone I trusted my whole being to. "I'm sorry".. to this day are still just words.
...oblilerates your trust--you question yourself. Absolutely; not only;WHO ARE YOU?... but WHO AM I????? How could I live such a lie for 20 plus years??? Whew...I need to cuddle to the man that has rescued me from that pain. The pain is still there...deep within my soul....and NEVER EVER completly goes away. Time heals but I know with out a doubt My Lord was BIG ENOUGH to fix that marriage IF the "I'm sorry" was followed up with actions and a repair job. It can NEVER just be those words not when trust and love are in the picture. Sorry Jenny I really try hard, but Jackie brings the worse in me. Ha...she always brings the best in me. I love you Jackie, rosie P.S. YOU WILL WRITE BOOKS!!! notice the s.
I don't know.
I understand.
And yet, you had time to write this blog??? :) Just joshin yah! Love yah
Thanks for the nudge :)
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