Have you ever had one of those 'Down-on-the-floor-crying-like-you-didn't-know-you-had-that-much-in-you-Father-HOW-can-You-stand-me?' kind of prayer? I can honestly say that I have only had it maybe three times in my entire Christian life. It's when you actually dissect a sin so as to: (1) see it for what it really is, or: (2) to explain it to yourself because you can't fathom why you did it, or: (3) you are so horribly disgusted with yourself that you have to . . HAVE to find out why in all that's holy you did what you did?
Is there any way anyone reading this can understand? (In a way, I hope not.)
So here I am, actually vocalizing my repentance and it was like Christ was there every single time I delved deeper into the sin.
"But, Lord, I had to, I didn't want . . "
"Jackie, chill."
"But how can You begin to . . ?"
"Jackie. Stop."
"But I've hurt so . . ."
"Jackie, would you just rest for a minute?"
Every time I went deeper, Christ was there, with His mercy. Until I got the center and, yep. Still there. Still so kind. Still dealing out that mercy. As long as I didn't try to justify, He gave it before I asked. I couldn't escape Him . . like He never left me to face up to it alone.
In the very middle of my sin . . . Mercy.
How in the world do people live without God?
2 comments:
Let us pray that more and more people come to that understanding Jackie and realize that without Him and His mercy we are nothing! You put things so well! Thank you.
i love you and am praying for you! isn't God just so amazing and generous!
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